


Forbidden Fruit

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Series: Shame [2]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: Sam has a new leap, but Al is distracted over the recent developments in his life.  What do they mean for his friendship with Sam?





	Forbidden Fruit

**Author's Note:**

> #2 in the Shame Universe. Written in '92. Published in Quantum Fire.

 

The cool night air of the New Mexico desert wafted in through the open window. Rather than get out of bed to close it, I just reached down and pulled the blanket up over us. The quiet breathing beside me told me my companion hadn't woken. From my vantage point, I could see the stars twinkling above, silent guardians to my most private thoughts.

I felt good. My body was relaxed, the tension having been drained out of it hours before. Pat called it a therapeutic fuck. Whatever, I was actually getting more than I bargained for from the arrangement designed to insure Sam's welfare. There was something here for me, Al Calavicci. After I got over the shock of accepting my new sexual lifestyle, I found something here I couldn't get from women. To hold another man in my arms filled a need in me I hadn't known existed, one I wasn't questioning.

It almost took away the loneliness...

And Pat was a good lover, considerate and caring. I almost forgot I had been coerced into the relationship. He truly loved me, although he never asked more than I had to give. As long as I kept to our bargain, let him into my bed when he showed up at my door, my emotions weren't included in the deal. It really was a mutually beneficial arrangement.

I still didn't think of myself as gay, and why should I when I also slept with women? I preferred to consider myself using my full potential as a sexual being. I guess the gays would say I was lying to myself, but I'm also sure that the thousands of bisexuals out there know exactly what I mean.

"It's cold in here," a sleep-slurred voice complained, moving closer to my body. Hands slipped around me.

I slid my own hands around to cup his ass. "How about generating a little body heat then?"

Pat's eyes opened beyond slits. "Is that a proposition?" he asked in surprise.

"Well, if you don't want to..." I teased, pulling out of the embrace to turn over away from him.

Pat stopped my escape, lips finding mine in the darkness. My tongue coaxed his mouth open after a pretend protest, and we were soon lost in devouring each other's mouths.

The ringing of the phone abrutply cut into our passion. I pulled away with a groan of frustration, grabbing the receiver and almost knocking the phone off the table in the process.

"What is it?" I snarled.

"Sorry to 'wake' you," Gooshie's voice said.

"I bet you are," I grumbled. "Has Sam leaped?"

"No, I was just calling to invite you to tea. If it's any consolation, I was 'woke' up, too."

I guessed so. It was hard to picture Gooshie getting lucky, but then I'd never heard him this sarcastically annoyed before. "I'll be right there." I hung up.

Beside me, Pat sat up. "Duty calls, huh?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, hurriedly getting out of bed. "Damn his timing though." I began pulling on the clothes strewn around the room. "I don't know when I'll be back."

"Whatever. If I'm here, I'm here." Pat grinned suddenly. "Maybe I'll make a surprise inspection of the Project. Let the committee know their money's being spent well."

"Their money," I scoffed. "Listen, do me a favor. I don't show up with you at political functions, you don't visit the Project."

"Deal, as always."

Carefully easing my disappointed flesh into my pants, I grabbed a jacket and ran out of the apartment.

 

* * *

 

June 16, 1978

 

A quick briefing at the Project told me Sam was in a relatively calm situation. They could have told me that before I left the bed... but no, even if I wasn't needed for anything for hours, I'd never let Sam wait so I could jump another man's bones. I'd been guilty of that with women every now and then, but this, somehow, wouldn't have been right.

I took the handlink Gooshie handed me and stepped into the Imaging Chamber. Seconds later, I was blinking in the bright light of the sun. When my eyes were adjusted, I found I was in the image of a huge back yard, a mansion looming in the background. A built-in swimming pool took up a big chunk of space. Sam was sprawled on a lounge chair, wearing nothing but a pair of skimpy, almost see-thru bikini briefs, which left next to nothing to the imagination. The family jewels were clearly outlined in all their splendor.

Suddenly, my mouth was dry. "Oh...boy."

Sam smiled up at me. "Tough leap, huh Al?"

"If you only knew..."

"Huh?"

I shook myself out of my trance. "Nothing." Sam wasn't suppose to look that good to me. I wasn't supposed to be feeling what I was feeling... I cursed his timing again, that I didn't get a chance to release my 'frustrations' before I got there. That's what was doing it, I told myself firmly. It was just a response to the abrupt interruption.

Sam was peering at me closely. "Did I interrupt something?" he asked innocently.

I almost dropped the handlink in my haste to cover up my frantic glance downward. Surely I wasn't that obvious... "I was asleep!" I blurted.

"You slept in you clothes?" he asked. I realized they were pretty wrinkled, from being tossed aside so carelessly earlier. Suspicion narrowed his eyes. "You didn't fall asleep at your desk, did you?"

"Well..." I hedged. "Don't you want to know what we have for you?" I tried to change the subject. I certainly didn't want him to know what I had for him.

If only I hadn't gotten the bright idea of perfecting the adjustment that would enable me to see Sam and not the aura...no, it wasn't for him. It was for Pat. I was just horny, and, and...

I suddenly became aware that Sam was calling my name. "Al!" I looked at him questioningly. "I said, what have you got?"

Before I had a chance to answer, a bikini-clad young woman ran past, dumping a bucket of water over him. He yelped, his reaction speaking of cold water. Giggling, she continued on her way around the other side of the house.

Sam watched her go. "She's my sister."

"Tough break." Who was I kidding? I'd barely noticed her.

"Al..." he warned.

I made the mistake of glancing down at him. If I thought the outfit was obscene dry... Droplets of water trickled down the skin of his stomach and thighs, glistening where they caught the sunlight. I was sure my mouth was hanging open.

"Earth to Al," Sam waggled his fingers in my face, getting my attention. "Are you falling asleep on me, or what? You're awfully distracted lately."

"Sorry," I replied quickly. Making sure I kept my eyes firmly on the link from then on, I started to fill him in. "It's June 16, 1978. Your name is Georgie Grant and you're twenty-one years old. You live in this quaint little cottage in Southampton, Long Island, with your parents--who are off to Europe on vacation--and your sister, Elsie, who's sixteen."

"What do I do for a living?" he asked, absently wiping at the sweat on his neck.

_How I would like to do that..._ Shaking myself again, I struggled to remember what his question was. "Uh, you spend." He gave me a look which asked for elaboration. "Look around you, these people are loaded. Every now and then they ask Georgie when he's going to pick a career, but most of the time they're happy as long as he stays in college."

"Oh no," he groaned, "I'm one of those career college guys."

"I wouldn't talk," I pointed out, trying to lighten my load with some humor.

"Oh come on, Al. That's different and you know it. I may have been still working on degrees, but I was also working on my life's dream."

"Maybe his life's dream is to shop." Sam's life's dream... Even that was worth everything. Anything I could do, no question, no hesitation.

"Anything else?" Sam asked sharply.

"That's all Ziggy has for now. All you have to do is enjoy the good life until we figure out why you're here." When I caught my eyes following a trail of sweat down Sam's chest, I realized my mind was as far from the leap as it could be. The best course of action was retreat. "Well, I'm gonna split."

"I was just going to suggest that," he said testily.

I ignored his bad temper, just like always. "Yeah, well--enjoy your vacation. I'm serious."

His smile broke through the clouds. "Okay. You too. Get some rest."

I called up the Imaging Chamber door.

"At least get rid of some of that excess _tension_ ," Sam added as I stepped through, shaking his head.

The door closed on my look of surprise.

 

* * *

 

I hurried back to my apartment, hoping to god Pat was still there. I wasn't in the mood for solitary tonight, and Tina didn't answer her phone. I don't know why I even called her when I had someone available, except maybe I was afraid to be with a man tonight.

It seemed I had no choice but to face those fears.

Pat was sitting up in bed, sipping a glass of wine. White wine in bed was like a ritual with him. "Not a national emergency, I take it?" he asked.

"Everything's quiet," I answered, starting to take off my clothes.

Pat watched, eyes widening when I was naked. "I would have thought you'd be cooled off my now..."

"You thought wrong," I said in a rough voice, hitting the light switch. I got into bed and he offered me a sip of wine before putting the glass on the night stand.

I took him into my arms, pulling him close. "Listen, Pat...I just wanted to let you know...I'm glad you're here."

I could see his look of surprise, even in the dark.

 

* * *

 

I loved women, I knew I loved them, there was no doubt in my mind. The only reason I'd started sleeping with Pat was to save Sam and the Project...to hell with the Project, all I cared about was Sam. Okay, so I found I could indeed enjoy sex with another man, but it hadn't taken away from my enjoyment of the ladies. In fact, if not for the blackmail, I couldn't see myself ever taking another man to be my lover of my own free will.

Until tonight.

I'd never in my wildest dreams thought about Sam like that. He was my friend, closer than any other living soul, but just my friend. Just because I was interrupted in the middle of passion and ran to Sam's side, while he happened to be wearing almost nothing...that's when my trouble had started.

And now, laying in the dark with another man's seed drying on my skin, I couldn't get it out of my mind. When I closed my eyes, instead of darkness I saw the blinding light of a splendidly built form. And wondered how I'd missed seeing him like that all those years.

It wasn't exactly true, that the idea never crossed my mind. There was Samantha, who lay in wait there at the back of my mind, visiting me at the most unexpected times. She wasn't Miss Stormer, she was like some alter ego of Sam's, something enticing but forbidden. It was madness to be thinking like that now, I'd exorcised that demon long ago. It seemed so simple then, so harmless.

I'd also admitted, long ago, that I loved Sam.

Now, I found I wanted him as well. And even in quantum physics, two plus two usually equals four. A hand reached out of the blanket, rubbing my shoulder. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

I sighed. "No, nothing."

There was a moment more of silence. "You called his name when you came." It was a stark statement of fact, spoken without emotion or surprise.

I should have known. Suspected, but I wasn't keen on separating reality from fantasy at the time.

"Listen, Al, I think we've become more than we started out as, I feel like we're friends now. And our arrangement is more than mutually beneficial."

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. It was a revelation to realize that I didn't want to let go of this...this affair, no matter what. I needed... Sam wasn't there. Pat was. I wanted to cry from the sorrow, scream with regret. After all this time to realize who I loved and know I'd never have him--maybe never even touch him in friendship again....

"You're right, we are friends," I said in a low voice, turning to him. "I'm sorry."

Pat slid his arm around my neck. "I've always known it was him," he told me quietly.

"Then why didn't I?!" I found myself almost shouting.

"You knew what you wanted to know." Over my protest, he gathered me to him. "Would you have wanted to know you loved him, while watching him walk down the aisle and marry a woman he vowed to spend the rest of his life with? Or go through years, wishing you could touch him, but being nothing more than air to him?"

I shook my head violently, not trusting myself to try and answer. I hated it, there wasn't many people I was comfortable enough to be open with. I always kind of liked the idea that Sam had a corner on the market.

"I know it hurts," Pat crooned. "Believe me, I know how you feel. And I'm sorry. But you have to face the facts, for your own good. Sam's not yours, he belongs to a woman who's been waiting for him to come home to her, to their life."

The only woman he ever really loved. I vaguely remembered Sam's unbearable pain when left at the altar in the original timeline. After that, he'd thrown himself into work, afraid to get close to anyone again. Unlike me, he couldn't bring himself to try again. And I remembered very clearly, his eyes when begging me to help him get Donna back. How could I not know how he felt, when I'd come home to find the woman of my dreams gone from my life as if she'd never existed?

Now he had his love back, and they'd built a life together. Pat was right; Sam would never be mine, he was in love with Donna. Once again, as if it should be a surprise, I'd fallen in love with the wrong person. I should be used to it.

"It hurts to love somebody who doesn't love you back," Pat whispered.

I shuddered, trying to shut out the pain, pretend there was nothing wrong. Around me I could feel life going on as usual, oblivious to my shattered soul.

"For what it's worth," Pat whispered, "I'm here to help take away the pain. And I care about you, Al."

I knew he did much more than just care. He was in love with me. At least someone was getting what he really wanted...

I let him pull me closer.

 

* * *

 

It was definitely time for an overhaul. I know I was slightly distracted this leap, but that wasn't an excuse for Ziggy, as I told him in no uncertain terms. He'd finally come up with the reason we were there, with not a hell of a lot of time to spare. And it was something I could have found myself by going through some microfilm at the library.

I hightailed it into the Imaging Chamber, moments later finding myself in a disco. Multi-colored lights flashed to the beat of the music, as men dressed like Travolta and women in wonderfully skimpy outfits gyrated on the cramped dance floor.

I looked around the dark room, bracing myself for griping from Sam when I found him. Knowing how he hated this scene, I figured I'd be lucky if I shut him up long enough to tell him what he had to do.

I finally caught sight of him--and felt as if the wind was knocked out of me. I'd braced myself for the wrong thing--he wasn't griping.

He was on the dance floor with a young woman. Wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a lavender shirt unbuttoned half way, he was putting on a show I'll never forget. Sweat beaded and ran down his exposed chest as he swayed his hips to the beat. Lost in the music, he was in another world, totally uninhibited as he gave it all he had. And that was a lot...

"Sam!" I yelled a couple of times, but he didn't hear me over the throng. I took a tentative step forward, reluctant to get any closer to that body. Already I felt my pants growing uncomfortably tight. Then I decided, what the hell--he'd never be mine, but I could still look all I wanted to.

Finally, I got right up in front of him and waited. His eyes opened, widening when he saw who he was now dancing with. To my surprise, instead of stopping, he just smiled in greeting and continued to dance in invitation.

Again I had to drag my mind back to the matter at hand. I had to get myself under control before much longer. This couldn't go on when he needed me as he did.

"Sam--we gotta talk!" I hooked a thumb toward a door marked exit.

He frowned in what almost looked like disappointment, and made his way through the crowd.

I was waiting in the alley when he pushed open the door.

"What's up, Al?" his cheerful face fell as he took in the seriousness in mine. "What's happened?"

"That numb-nuts of a computer finally figured out why you're here. Elsie came with you tonight, right?"

"Yeah," he answered carefully.

"Well, any time now she leaves with a guy she met. They go back to his place to do some lines, only she does a little too much of everything. She O. D.s Sam."

"Oh my God..." he ran back inside to find her.

I had Gooshie center me on Elsie. Sure enough, she and the nozzle were about to leave. I popped back to Sam and hurried him up, then waiting for him outside. They were at the car when he finally burst out the door towards them.

"Elsie!"

The couple stopped to wait for Sam. He skidded to a halt on the gravel of the lot, catching his breath.

"What is it, Georgie? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"You can't go with him!" Sam blurted out.

I grimaced at his lack of finesse as I saw the nozzle's expression turn guarded.

"Who the hell are you and why can't she?" the guy demanded.

"Because I'm her brother and I say so."

"Tact, Sam..." I muttered.

"Oh, Georgie, cool it. You're insulting Bill. Besides, I'm a big girl." She put her arm through Bill's.

Sam met Bill's gaze. "Not quite. In fact," he glanced at the license plate of the car, "as soon as you leave, I'm giving these plates to the police and they're going to be looking for Bill here for statutory rape."

Bill's hands flew out and he stepped away from her. "Now wait a second here..."

"He's just bluffing," Elsie tried to appease him.

"I can't take the chance. Look, honey, if you're a minor--"

'Sixteen," Sam supplied. "I can show you her I.D."

"My father is a congressman, I'm being primed to follow in his footsteps. I can't afford anything like this. Sorry." He jumped in the car and took off in a cloud of dust.

"He's young, give him time," I said, watching the disappearing sports car.

"So drugs are okay though?" Sam asked incredulously. I shrugged as he grabbed Elsie's arm. "How long have you been doing drugs?"

"Ouch--you're hurting me!" She tried to twist out of his grip.

"Answer me!"

"Almost as long as you have!" she answered, glaring at him.

"Whoops," I commented.

Sam had the grace to look sheepish. "Well if we keep it up it's going to kill us one day. How about you and I checking ourselves into one of those rehab places tomorrow?"

She looked at him skeptically.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun. We've got the money to pick one of those posh places where only the rich and famous go, like the Betty Ford clinic."

His Swiss cheesed memory struck again, since this was before there was a Ford clinic. "Who??" she gave him a funny look.

"Uh--you know what I mean."

Elsie regarded him, her head tilted sideways in thought. "You mean a place that's like a fancy spa, where I can see what all the other girls are wearing, and maybe knock off a few pounds?"

My eyes covered her more than acceptable body, and I shook my head. Women were all alike. No matter what they weighed or looked like, they all had to lose a few pounds.

"Something like that," Sam agreed.

"And I might meet a gorgeous movie star who will fall madly in love with me and whisk me off to Rio?"

"Maybe."

"C'mon then!" she said, tugging on his hand and then running towards a row of cars.

"I'll be right there." Sam shook his head in wry amusement, then turned to me.

"Well, that was easy,” I commented.

Sam shook his head again. "For you to say. I like political games almost as much as discos. Why is it they seem to fall into scandalous affairs and blackmail schemes so easily?" he asked with contempt.

I nearly choked on my cigar. When I regained my composure, I answered him truthfully. "There are two things that corrupt easily. Power and love."

"Love?" he scoffed with disbelief.

"To you, love is honest and pure. It's just...not the same for some people."

Sam turned towards the car Elsie was waiting in. "Like those that think they can buy love. Can you believe it, Al? Thousands of people homeless and kids like them only care about movie stars and drugs. What a waste."

Buy love? I paled at the thought. I was only buying a little comfort, and Sam's safety. I never expected anything back for all those acts of sacrifice I gave to Sam, had I? I decided I didn't want to poke into that hornet's nest. Now more than ever, I knew I couldn't let him be led into my corruption. He had to be kept out of it all. It was my problem, my decision to sell my soul.

_See you in hell, Maggie..._

"Not completely, this time," I told him, reading off the link. "Get this--Elsie does meet her movie star. They fall for each other big time. Unfortunately, his career does a nose dive and he ends up going back to what he did before, painting houses. It's not much, but it's honest work and they stay together." I paused before telling Sam the rest, knowing how he was going to take it. "The nozzle Bill does O.D. tonight."

Sam's face fell, and he glanced down the road where the car had disappeared. I could tell what was on his mind, but I didn't think it was possible.

I reached out a hand before I thought. Then, let it fall to my side. "I know, kid. But when Georgie realizes it was almost his sister too, it sobers him up. He finds that career, running a halfway house for recovering drug and alcohol abusers. He does good work, helps a lot of people."

Sam dropped his head, staring at the ground.

"You can't save everyone, Sam," I reminded him.

He looked up again, meeting my eyes. "I know." Then he cocked his head to one side, studying me, and I wondered what he'd read in my face. "Are you okay? You look...kinda sad."

_Oh Sammy, don't pull this on me..._ "I'm fine."

He didn't say anything for a moment. I forced myself not to squirm from his scrutiny.

"Save everyone, no, I can't even help the people I care about."

"That's not true," I had to remind him.

"I can't help you," he pointed out. "You won't even tell me what's bothering you, so I can offer moral support."

"Dirty pool, Sam."

He took a step closer to me. "If I could leap somewhere to help you, where would you want me to leap?"

I knew he meant it as an opening for me to talk about what was bothering me, but I couldn't help looking up at the stars, answering in my heart as I saw the leap begin out of the corner of my eye.

_Into my arms._

 

 

**the end.**

8/14/92

 

 


End file.
